So I took a little break from blogging (about 5/6 years). But I wanted to share something and a blog seemed the best format compared to a Facebook status.
Yesterday I went to my allergist. Why is that significant? Well last summer (2013) I broke out into hives. It started with a small rash on my wrist and by May had covered my entire body. I went to an urgent care clinic and was prescribed oral steroids as well as a steroid shot, assuming it was just an allergic reaction to something. As soon as the steroids ended, my hives came back. And so was the cycle for the entire summer. I went to countless doctors including several urgent care doctors, a dermatologist, endocrinologist and allergist. Every doctor I went to told me they did not know what was causing my hives and that it was likely we would never know.
The hives were tremendously uncomfortable to say the least. When not on the steroids I itched literally EVERYWHERE. My face would swell including my lips and eyes. It was very difficult to sleep and I was having a difficult time caring for my children. When I didn't have hives I was on steroids. As you probably know, steroids are not very good for your body. They have serious long term affects as well as short term affects. Short term affects included weight gain and emotional swings. Long term affects included muscle and bone deterioration. My other possible option suggested to help deal with the hives was a low dose chemo. Every day I was taking allegra (twice), zantac, singulair, claritin, and livocitrin (purified form of zyrtec). But way worse than that were my fears that I would have to live with the hives forever. I just couldn't fathom that. I was very very afraid.
At the same time I had this very unique, supernatural sense that this was a trial (a very small trial compared to trials you and others may have been through!) tailor made by the Lord just for me. Thankfully it was not life threatening, but it very much involved the unknown as well as physical suffering. At times this suffering felt unbearable. I truly believe physical suffering is very humbling and in many ways I know God used it in my life for the specific purposes of humbling me and causing me to trust in him.
God used this trial in tremendous ways to build my faith for a very big reason. God gave me the grace and faith to make it through this exactly when I needed it. I did not have this faith previously and I'm not even sure I have it now, but God gave me grace to handle each moment. At times when the itching seemed unbearable, I would say, Ok God. I just can't keep doing this. HELP!! And he would provide relief. Whether it be simply his presence assuring me he was with me, another steroid shot to make me more comfortable, or just the ability to sleep. God helped me have faith in a time when I was extremely fearful. I'm not sure I have ever had faith like that before. It helps me with my anxiety about the future because I can look back and see how God gave me the grace only when I needed it. It wasn't something I could store up. Just like the Israelites who had to rely on manna for each day, I too had to trust that God would provide for each moment. And he did.
That summer I helped lead a 4 year old class for our church's VBS. The theme was "Facing fears, trusting God." I cannot tell you how many times I cried through some of those precious VBS songs and felt so encouraged by the Bible stories about Paul and testimonies of others who had trusted the Lord. I am welling up with tears now just thinking back on that time. I truly felt God had designed that summer's VBS just to help and encourage me.
I am so glad God helped me walk by faith through this trial even when I did not know the outcome. It is easy to be discouraged when there are no answers. But deep in my heart I knew the answer, at least for a time, was that God wanted to use this to build my faith in him. There were times when I was faithless and even thoughts of the end seemed better to me, but even in those times God was faithful.
In the end, the Lord graciously provided relief to my hives. After multiple tests and countless doctors, the good people at Family Allergy and Asthma discovered I had developed a severe allergy to grass. I began shots last August and after a year of weekly shots I have not had a single hive!! I went to my appointment yesterday and was cleared to begin shots every other week now. I'm off virtually all other medication. I am thankful for God's graciousness in allowing me to be relieved of my hives. But please know I write this to document his graciousness and goodness in the middle of my trial. He is always good. Our pastor at Ninth and O often talks about speaking a good word for Jesus. I just really want to do that most of all. Please read this and know how good, sweet, loving and caring Jesus is. He can help you through whatever you are facing.
